Day 26

Yesterday at church, two women that I see almost every Sunday didn't recognize me. They both thought I was someone else that looked familiar to them. I'm not particularly close to these ladies but we'll greet each other when we cross paths. Later, as I thought about it I felt it was a pretty good sign especially since one of the ladies (she's an older woman, in her late 60's) asked if I was pregnant at the beginning of this month. When she figured out it was me after her initial response she was so surprised and said I looked taller. So, yay! At least she didn't think I was due any day now.

Then last night I took my husband out on a date and we had dinner at a steakhouse. I didn't have a steak but chose to eat fish instead. I filled up on the salad bar and was tempted to pour on the ranch dressing again but scooped up the balsamic vinegar instead. Normally, I eat almost everything on my plate when I go out to eat (I'd eat every last morsel but I'm too self-conscious that the waiter would be laughing at me behind my back). This time I was full and satisfied after half of the food was gone and I managed to take home the rest (I ate it for lunch today).

Sadly, the good news ends there. Today, I did manage to have a shake for breakfast. It was yummy since I blended the chocolate flavor with a banana and a 1/2 tbsp of peanut butter. I justified not having my shake for dinner by using the smallest plate in the cupboard to eat some salmon and rice. I also planned to exercise but was too tired from cleaning and organizing most of the day. I can't remember when the last time I exercised. It's been too long. I still haven't found a time to commit to it in my day. I can't wake up earlier than I already do because that's too much sacrifice of my precious sleep. And during the day I have 3 little children to feed, change and try to take a nap at the same time. Then when evening comes there's 3 more children to help get ready for another school day. (If you noticed the math's a little off: 6 kids instead of 5...I babysit my niece during the weekdays). So, I'm exhausted at the end of the day and even now this blog entry is taking up the last reserves of my strength...well, what little I have without exercising. It's a funny thing the irony of it all: I need energy to exercise but it's exercise that will give me energy! Hopefully, I'll find the key to unlock this great mystery.

Oh, and despite my sister's great advice about not weighing myself too much I admit it's the one thing I've made a habit of doing. So, looks like I'm at 131. (course that was this morning, before I refused to have my second shake for dinner). As far as my measurements, I took it a few days ago and I hope my memory serves me well: My waist: 37 inches Arms: 13 inches. I really don't have any hips (although, I'm not sure if I should be the judge of that) so I didn't measure that. I only focused on the two areas I despise.

February is right around the corner and the 30 day mark so I'm feeling quite anxious and not sure if I can take it to the next level. All I can say is: I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

Day 22

Thinking about writing in this blog is probably the biggest reason I haven't thrown in the towel. Well, that and I've got a lot of valuable Herbalife products sitting in my closet. My life's a little too hectic right now to be patient enough to post pictures and write in this everyday but doesn't mean it's not on the forefront of my mind all day....

Today was a weird day with the scale. I could swear it was bewitched. Whatever happened I was very motivated by it's findings. So, when I stepped on the scale this morning it read 125. I got off and got on a half dozen times or so because that couldn't have been right. Well, yesterday I did manage to have 2 shakes and 1 meal and I snacked on carrots and celery throughout the day. And I did make sure it was starting exactly at zero instead of 10lbs behind it. Whatever the case I was surely following my food plan today. But when I went on the scale in the afternoon it read 133. I replayed my on and off dance but to no avail still: 133. I know that you weigh less in the morning on an empty stomach but there was no way it would be so much more. Still, it was really, really exciting to look down and be in the 120 range. So, I'll be thinking about that for a while longer because I want to see that again without thinking someone was messing with my head.

I still have to take my measurements so I can see the results that way too. So, hopefully the next post will reveal those numbers. Also, I haven't worked out at all this week. I used my period as an excuse because this time it hit me pretty hard. But, I do plan to start again tomorrow. Today I had a chocolate shake in the morning for breakfast (made with soymilk) then I munched on a salad with romaine lettuce, tomatoes, celery and carrots with italian dressing. Believe me I wanted to pour on the ranch but found the will to go with the better option. Then I had some herbal concentrate tea which tasted so good since I added a teaspoon and a half of sugar to it. It supposed to suppress my appetite and kickstart my metabolism. Later I had a bowl of chicken curry with lots of veggies in it. It's about 10:30pm and I'm about to go to bed after this glass of Niteworks (I have to read more about what it does but it's for my heart health) and I don't feel hungry at all. There is a handful of shortbread cookies on my dresser in my room because my husband's been snacking on them for days and I made it past the container without digging in.

Today I learned that I definitely need to have salad and veggies stocked in my fridge and that it's okay to eat those throughout the day. I'll be shopping tomorrow because I'm almost out. Peace out!

Day 18

Me and Oprah have something in common. We've both fallen off the wagon. Well, I didn't quite "fall" off, I voluntarily nose dived off. This is so hard. In theory it's easy. I mean I think 60 days is no sweat when I think of the grand scheme of life. But, when I wake up and think about bacon...it's over. 1 day is torture. I think it's particularly hard for me because I live a sorta random life. Even though there are many parts of my day that is routine/predictable, there's a lack of time management. Maybe I feel like if I start adhering to some mind-numbing schedule I'll become just that...a zombie. Day in and day out. But then I think of all the great things I could do with the time I will find when I'm not goofing off checking my email 3 times a day. Idk, but I do know that I have to find some balance in the day that it's not just about taking care of everyone and everything else but me.

So, one of my rewards for losing 10 pounds was to get my hair done. I used to spend quite a lot of dinero on my gray hair camouflaging highlights but since I've become a stay at home mom (SAHM - I just figured out what those letters stood for on those mommy community sites) I haven't had the extra cash (not that I really did before). Anyways, so after I lost 3 pounds (which I've now managed to quickly gain back through the likes of roast pork and char siu) my sister, Chelle offered to pick up my hairstying bill on the condition that I lose 10 more pounds. I was so excited for a couple days and then I got all overwhelmed and was only focusing on the 10 more pounds that it got too daunting.

I've spent a week trying hard to not care about this great undertaking but now I've taken a deep breath and realized that I have 2 choices. I can ONE, pick up and keep moving forward or TWO delete this blog and pretend the whole thing never happened. So, as of today. I'm choosing option 1. I hope that I can push through and commit to this because I feel like now's the time. There's no other reason to lose weight but for my health. Usually it's to fit in a bridesmaid's dress. But when I get into that dress, the success of it all loses it's charm faster than it takes the bride and groom to get back from their honeymoon. Now, it's just about me getting healthy and being a great role model for my kids. That's going to be a lifelong focus for me rather than a temporary one.

Tomorrow, I'd like to start fresh and have 2 shakes, 1 snack and dinner. I've already planned my menu for the week so I don't have to stare at the fridge and figure out the meals, always gets me in trouble. And we're going to see the bodies on exhibition exhibit and I'm hoping it will be motivational. I'll let you know...

Day 9

I'm definitely hitting some challenges. My mind goes back and forth all day trying to negotiate with my body whether or not this diet thing is a good idea. And it doesn't help when I wake up with a pounding headache and a raging stomach. I decided to have breakfast...a big breakfast of rice, spam, onion and eggs. Boy, did I enjoy every oily bite. For a good 10 minutes atleast. Then came the inevitable guilt. The pain in my head moved to my heart. I felt disappointed and defeated. I definitely wanted to drown my sorrows in chocolate but somehow I pulled through. I planned on having a shake but instead picked my way through carrots and stared longingly at the pantry. I really don't want to give up and even though I fall short of my goals I want to keep moving forward. Thankfully, I can go to bed well tonight since I rode the bike for 30 minutes, did some band resistant exercises and yoga. I'm hoping tomorrow I won't have to exercise on account of guilt.

Day 6

Instead of going back and filling in all that went on in the few days I've missed, I'm going to move forward and not overwhelm myself with that task. One thing I will mention is that I did resist the ice cream that night on day 2. But, I did have 2 Tbsp of it the next day. Everything in moderation, right?

Well, yesterday was not a good day at all. I was in a very bad mood. Feeling extremely emotional, I wanted to eat away my sorrows. Thankfully, I didn't but I managed to sulk in my bedroom in front of the tv watching Oprah getting back on track with her weight loss plan. I'm definitely an emotional eater. Food makes me feel good even if it's just temporary. I still don't have an alternative plan for what to do when I'm feeling emotional so another thing for my to do list.

My great news for the day is that I lost 3 pounds! YES! Oh, I guess now would be a time to declare my starting weight since I forgot to do that on day 1. Here it is: (hold the drumroll, please...no, really, please) 136 pounds. But, today I can say: 133 pounds. And, for visual aids here's my before pictures. I think I'll post one every other week or whenever my camera's not loaded with my cheesy kids.

Day 2

An Ode to Leftovers

I grew up lacking a lot of things but good food was not one of them. A main dish, rice and a side maybe even two, were always on the nightly menu. As children, my brother, sister and I were not allowed to leave the table without practically licking our plates clean. So, there was never a time where the words, "I'm full" ever left our mouths. It carried over into my adulthood and leaving a morsel of food behind is a nearly impossible.

Not only do I battle my plate-cleaning programming but then there's the guilt of all the starving children in Africa. I know I've repeated that warning to my own kids when they'd complain their tummies were about to burst. "Don't you know, there are starving African children wishing they could eat like you! So, finish all your food!" While it is true that there are many children suffering from malnutrition everywhere, it doesn't do the world a favor to keep fattening the rest of the population.

And then there are just some foods that taste better the next day. Plus, I really hate throwing out anything since that's just throwing out money. Which means I have an obligation to clear out the oh-so-helpful tupperware containers.

Now, I'm going to make every effort to cook what we can eat (not overeat) and make much smaller portions. So, pay attention leftovers. Despite our secret rendezvous, you're no longer welcome in my house. I'm done with you, Adios, Ciao, Sayonara, Beat it!

Today's successes:
I had a shake for breakfast. Took 1 round of tablets: Total control, Cell Activator and a Multitvitamin. Tonight for dinner, I managed to leave some food behind on my plate. I didn't build my usual mountain and kept it to a single layer. Mostly because of this blog, I managed to peel myself off the couch and climb onto my exercise bike. And did yoga for 20 minutes.

Today's mistakes:
I allowed myself to go too long without food because I was busy getting my kids to finish their christmas thank you cards. So, it was much, much to late to calmly think about lunch. So, I stood in front of the fridge shaking from low blood sugar and felt insanely hungry. I downed some leftover tako (octopus), 2 handfuls of iso peanuts and a bowl of LEFTOVER coleslaw. And I didn't drink much water.

I think I did much better than yesterday but my track record is that I do great for a few days and then crash and burn into a bag of Reese's pieces. Hopefully tomorrow's another step in the right direction.

(At this very moment I'm thinking about digging into my haagen das ice cream pint right after I post this...thought I'd confess that before I go! Good night!)

Day One

It's a new year and since this is the first January (in a long time) that I'm not either pregnant or nursing a baby it's time to lose weight. This blog is my attempt at sticking to the goal: losing 20lbs in 60 days. I don't know how it's going to go but I know that I need a place to vent and focus. Ideally, this will be a successful run, otherwise I'll have to change my blog address!

Getting to know me:
I'm 30, happily married with 5 kids
I'm a homebody that loves crafts and computers
I love food (well, I guess that's obvious)
I live in a beautiful place where food and family is a priority
I'm starting this new adventure using Herbalife products
My favorite foods are: Alaskan King Crab, Pizza, Chocolate and most anything deep fried
And I find little to no joy in exercising

Beginning with last night, I made no reservations about limiting my food. Why? Well, because it was my farewell dinner to food. The last night of the year to live life before I died on a diet the next day. We had steak and fish and coleslaw. Not so bad, but I managed to pile my plate and had to be rolled away. I thought it would be mainly mind over matter but I didn't anticipate my mind being so weak. So, instead of drinking a health shake (which I do like) I starved myself because I was busy organizing my week. I did manage to make a shake but I left it in the freezer and it froze over. So, I left in out on the counter to thaw but didn't visit it again until 4 hours later when it was bacterially warm...not happening.

It caught up to me around 6 in the evening when I started shaking from food deprivation and gobbled up 4 chocolate cookies. I made crispy chicken katsu for dinner and it was delicious. Of course I "taste tested" half a chicken before adding 2 more to my big scoop of rice, 6 slices of leftover steak and a mound of mayo covered coleslaw. I'm now stuffed to the brim and not having a happy new year after all. The only "healthy" thing I did today was take my Liftoff (energy drink) but it didn't help me with my gorging.

Here's my weight loss plan:

Be consistent in my yoga
Spend 30 minutes every day on my stationary bike
Twice a week do some band resistance exercises
Replace two meals with 2 shakes - I'll probably get the best results with drinking my breakfast and dinner
Write in this blog
Think skinny thoughts

So, wish me luck and I'll let you in on how things played out tomorrow on Day 2. Happy Dieting!